My Mental Health – A Happy Update!

 

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I went out all on my own today.

No, not just a frosty walk (as I’ve come to affectionately call them), not a stroll through the cemetery (NOT as morbid as it sounds) – I walked to a tram stop, got on a tram, walked through town, smiled at people, talked to people, went into shops, walked through crowds, actually purchased something in a shop, ALL ON MY BLOODY OWN.

For those of you who may not have read any of my previous blogs regarding my mental health, depression/anxiety pretty much made me into a recluse; such that I just stopped leaving the house on my own full stop, unless I was with someone I trusted – even then it was a struggle.

Then I started taking myself for early morning walks last month – I’d occasionally walk through the cemetery too. Definitely a big deal for me! I was so chuffed – I’d overcome the front door and leaving on my own. However, I realised I was only going to places I knew there’d be pretty much no other humans around and where I’d be less likely to have to interact with anybody. Therein was my next obstacle; I reasoned with myself in the last few days that if I could go out with people I trusted and physically be among people when I was with them, what’s the worst that could happen if I was alone among people?

One of my biggest problems is always that I overthink everything: & definitely since my depression/anxiety heightened, I pretty much wear myself out at times with it.

BUT NOT TODAY.

I woke up, washed my hair, put some make up on, pulled my jeans up, popped my rucksack on my back, opened the front door, stuck my ipod on shuffle and walked. I walked and I walked and I walked and I was so f*cking happy. I didn’t shake, I didn’t worry and I didn’t panic – I actually realised at one point that I was smiling to myself and worried I looked like a loon. But I didn’t care. I felt like I was walking a little taller, I may have even been walking differently – I couldn’t explain it to you to be honest. I just felt different.. good different. Like I’m bopping along to The Beach Boys right now and I haven’t stopped smiling yet.

I don’t know what happened. I don’t know where the fear or the panic went – maybe I was pretending for a while that I don’t have what I have; maybe the music in my ears was helping; maybe I was just so busy bouncing from little victory to little victory that I didn’t have time to think about thinking. I won’t get too ahead of myself now and start aiming too high. But I almost feel like…what can I achieve next?! & that feels incredible. Like, freedom?

Either way, I just wanted to share today with you – this blog saved me in ways – plus the support I’ve encountered from the blogging community in the short space of time I’ve been here, has been amazing. I want anybody who suffers with a mental illness, to know that there is always light somewhere. As dark as it gets, keep searching for the light – or make your own. But don’t think you’re alone in the darkness of a mental illness, not ever.

Thank you for reading this, truly.

Love, a really quite chuffed

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Come find me on Instagram! – @katscarlettj

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30 thoughts on “My Mental Health – A Happy Update!

  1. Katie that is so awesome! Proud of you!!! It’s good that you had such a positive experience this time around going off on your own because next time you choose to do so, you can just reminisce about how well it went this time! Small steps can go a long way! Also I find that having music in my ears while I go wander on my own is a must. Just jam to songs and walk happily along!

    xo, JJ

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Eee thank you so much Jenny! Literally walking on a cloud at the moment. I know I sound crazy but it’s amazing what – as you say – small steps can do! Thank you for reading & for being so supportive. Means the world. & YES, music makes all the world of difference doesn’t it!! Hope you’ve had a lovely Tuesday! xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yay do it!! If you’re like me, take some photos! However people do look at you like you’re a donut, so depends how you feel about that… 🙂 Have a LOVELY walk, it’s a beautiful day for it! x

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  2. Hello Katie! I recently read your post and I completely understand what you mean when you said walking made you feel free. I sometimes feel like walking is my own personal escape from the real world that I am stuck in. This helped me so much! Please continue to write! I wish you the best.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Dayna, firstly – thank you so much for reading, it means a lot. Secondly thank you for what you said! I’m in a bit of a patch at the moment where I’m struggling to write…well, anything! Writers block I guess. So anxiety has been kicking up! You’ve really made me smile this morning, so thank you thank you thank you. I will keep writing. Glad to have made a friend. 🙂 x

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  3. What an awesome victory! I celebrate for you! Keep working at this and fighting those anxious thoughts. You can totally overcome! I too am on a journey to overcome anxiety, and I am finding blogging phenomenally helpful as well. What a great opportunity to experience community with others going through the same things ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw thank you and thank you SO much for reading – it really does mean the world. I completely agree with you – I feel like I really find a sense of belonging here in the blogging community! & being able to share experiences and advice is just wonderful. I wish you all the love and good wishes in the world as you overcome anxiety – you WILL do it. I believe in you! Glad to have made a friend 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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