Firstly, I just want to say thank you for all the love and beautiful messages I received (& am still receiving!) for my post My Mental Health – A Happy Update! – I never in a million years thought I’d be in a position where I’d be able to talk so freely about my mental health, and I’ll be eternally grateful to you, the blogging community for making me feel so at peace with myself.
I’ve found myself really reflecting back on this last month – January seems to have gone on forever, but it’s been such a positive one for me. Yes, there have been hard days, yes I still have what I have and yes, just yesterday I might have had a panic attack. BUT, I’m trying this new thing where I let the positives outshine the negatives, and actually, it’s really, really nice.
So here is my end-of-the-month update.
I’m going out a lot more: Yep, and if you’ll recall in my last mental health post, that was a huge deal for me. Like ginormous. & since then I’ve only pushed myself more; I’ve been running, I’ve popped to the local shops to buy milk or stamps, I’ve gone off on my own when out with my boyfriend – there was actually one occasion in Superdrug where I was so engrossed in my own little bubble that I wandered off away from him and he panicked because he didn’t know where I’d gone. Safe to say, he found me down the makeup aisle. Duh.
I’m talking a lot more: Like, loads – with you guys, with my family & friends, and it’s such a positive thing. You’re looking at a girl who, a few months back, would have grimaced at the idea of having to try and explain her feelings etc. Now I just waffle and hope for the best. It’s good for me to just let it out in whatever nonsense, ugly, confusing form it might come in, because keeping it bottled will only serve to make me feel sh*t.
Plus talking to others who have the same experiences makes me feel a lot less alone, & that is something everyone who suffers with a mental health illness absolutely needs.
I’m seeing the positives: My outlook on things has done like…a U turn, & it freaks me out! I think mostly because my mindset has been so wired to think negatively all the time, that now I’m thinking more positively, it’s just like… whoa, nelly.
Obviously there are still really pants days, but I’m trying to teach myself to just let them happen – I feel like the more I try to resist it, the worse I’ll feel, & it’s just easier to allow myself a bad day. If that makes sense?!
I’m owning my truth: What I mean when I say “I’m owning my truth”, is that I’m not shying away from the world or myself anymore. I’m not hesitating when I say the words depression or anxiety, I’m not as bothered by what people think, and I’m really trying to help myself more than ever . I’m talking back to the voice in my head that tells me I can’t do something or that I’m worthless etc, and it’s works for the most part (not as crackers as it sounds!).
I really just wanted to start 2017 off the best way I could.
It would be so easy to sit here before you now and pick apart at myself, and relay all the crappy things that happened this month, all the times I felt rubbish or like a failure; whatever. I’m trying to accept it as part and parcel of what I have, but what I’m not accepting is that the negativity wins. It doesn’t and it won’t. Overall, January has been bloody brilliant for me, and I’m not ashamed to say I’m really quite proud of myself. I’m letting myself believe I’ll be ok, and I’m letting myself have little dreams to work towards & I’m allowing the belief that I am capable of achieving them. Plus a little bit of faith from the people who love you, goes a long way. I have a lot to thank my boyfriend for.
& I have a lot to thank you for too – for reading, for your messages & for your love. I’m very lucky, and I swear I’ll never take for granted that you take the time to read my babbling!
I hope January has been a good month for you – tell me if you did yourself proud or you achieved something you wanna shout about – tell me if you’ve had a crappy horrible month & you can’t wait to see the end of it! Tell me anything. I would love to know!
Thank you for being on this journey with me & I look forward hopefully to another positive update at the end of next month!
Come find me on Instagram! @katscarlettj