My Mental Health: February Reflection

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It’s that time of the month – the end of the month, where I like to take a moment to reflect on how I’ve been doing in terms of my mental health. I’m not gonna lie, I just re-read my January Reflection and I’m almost nervy to write this one – it’s not that Feb has been a terrible month, but I’ve felt myself going backwards a little at times, and after how positive I felt from the month before, I can’t help but feel the teeniest bit disappointed.

For one, I actually passed up the opportunity to go and stay a week with my Aunt in Wiltshire. Beautiful Wiltshire. I justified it that; I don’t have a lot of money, I’d have to go to London Victoria which means trains (no-go), huge amounts of people, being on my own amongst said people, then finding the coach, then throw in all of the excessive unnecessary panicking I’d do the whole time – ‘what if I lose my bag, what if I lose my ticket, what if I get lost? What if someone talks to me, or looks at me funny? – and BANG. I’d exhausted myself just thinking about it. It was done. I wouldn’t go, I couldn’t go, and that was that. My brain literally at times, is on a non-stop rollercoaster all of it’s own, and I feel like I’m just strapped in for the ride and unable to hop off. It’s a frikking pain in the arse.

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I’ve been mulling it over, wondering if I gave in to my anxiety, whether I let it win, or if I was just being realistic about what I could handle; maybe I’ve been wanting to run before I can walk. You know I spoke about going out on my own before? Going running, going to the pub with my friends, wandering off on my own when I’m out etc – I think I thought ‘ok, now let’s do something huge!’ – when in actual fact, I’m just not ready. & that really is ok. Nobody but me, is putting pressure on me.

Aside from not making it to Wiltshire, I spent most of February being pretty hard on myself; I’ve not felt entirely blown away by the blogs I’ve written, I’ve gotten frustrated with myself over my confidence issues, about having bad days. I get worked up because I hate doing well, then being knocked out by a panic attack or a low mood that can last for anything from an hour to a week. Honestly, I exhaust myself. But! There have been high points – I’ve kept up the running, I’ve started yoga (which hurts way more than people ever talk about, or is that just me?!), I’ve seen and spoken more to my pals, & I really have tried to see the positives for the most part.

I think the lesson I want to take from February, is that things take time; I feel like I’ve wanted to move mountains this past month, when really I should have just been climbing them. I will go and visit my Aunt in Wiltshire, I will get on a train and be amongst lots of people,  I will manage a coach on my own. In time. As long as I’m moving, however slowly, I’m still making progress. Oh & it’d also be really nice to hop off the self-criticism wagon and maybe take stock of what I’m achieving, rather than what I’m not. I’m my own worst enemy at times!

I wanted to end with just a short reference to the photos included in this post – my boyfriend took me to the coast yesterday – it wasn’t the sunniest day, in fact it was drizzly and far too windy (see hair ^^), but there will always be something about the sea that calms me instantly. It’s like a medicine. I think I see it, and I’m reminded that there’s a world  -a freedom – outside of the four walls, outside of my brain even, and that’s really nice to know.

Please tell me about your February – tell me anything! Whether you did something great, had a crap one, can’t wait for Spring or you’re just waiting for Pancake day! Either way, I wish you the happiest March. The Spring blossoms are beginning to show…

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Thank you for reading what I write, as always. 🙂

Big kisses,

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Come find me on Instagram! @katscarlettj

 

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15 thoughts on “My Mental Health: February Reflection

  1. Hi Katie, my February has felt like a bit of an anticlimax as well. But I was delighted as I read on and saw how you have not let it take over, I especially liked the bit about climbing the mountains instead of trying to move them, I shall be telling myself that too! Xo

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    1. Hi back at ya Katie! 🙂 I’m sorry your Feb wasn’t all you wanted it to be – I hope March is loads better for the both of us! Thank you! I’m not sure I always know what I’m talking about, but that mountains bit kinda made a bit of sense! I hope you’re doing well, and thank you for reading this 🙂 Sending love x x x

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  2. Your right people don’t tell you that yoga will leave you sore lol same with pilates. It does take time but taking the necessary steps to help yourself is something to be proud of. My february was nice, I stepped out of my comfort zone a bit and explored more of my town, which I wanted to do. I can’t believe March is in less than 2 days, time certainly flies.

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    1. Oo pilates can be a killer! My pain tolerance is so bad as well, the minute it starts hurting I’m like, no, that’s me done! But I’m getting past that *hopefully*! Thank you, you’re right! Little steps are better than none at all. Aw that sounds lovely, we love our exploring don’t we! What’s your town like?! I KNOW! March is here, and soon it’ll be Spring, it feels like it’s been Winter for so, so long! x

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      1. Winter does seem long lol but I can’t complain in the south it’s predominantly in the 60’s and 70’s. My part of town isn’t too busy, it’s clean and there are a lot of places to eat, lots of parks nearby and a couple hiking trails not too far either 🙂 I love it, but I wouldn’t mind living somewhere else either. You are welcome :), that’s how I felt too but my teacher was an ex-body builder so he definitely pushed us lol.

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      2. Oo that’s not too bad a temp at all! I love the sound of having hiking trails nearby, you must love that! I live right next to a country park but it’s not very well maintained or looked after sadly – that’s why when I go away I’m like ‘I need to explore!!’ – Omg! An ex-bodybuilder! I bet he was a tough guy! It’s good to have that push though!! x

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  3. I love that you take the time and reflect on how you’re doing each month. Girl the no go trip to Wiltshire was totally justified the minute you said you don’t have a lot of money for it- that prevents me from going to places too forget about anything else aside from that and plus Wiltshire will always be there for another time when you feel like tackling that adventure! 🙂 Things are not always going to be butterflies and unicorns bad days and panic attacks will happen but those are just little pasty obstacles as you climb that mountain!
    February for me flew by my favorite part was hitting 70 degree weather in the middle of winter….well I guess now its end of winter- I hope 🙂

    xo, JJ

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    1. Haha y’know you’re so right! I think I was so busy umming and arring over potential panic attacks that the fact I only had enough money for the coach tickets didn’t really factor in! But you’re 100% right, Wiltshire will always be there! Gotta take the good with the bad, right?! I cannot BELIEVE you hit 70 degree heat in the mid of Winter, wtf and how and where did you find it, I want to go!! Nearly Spring now, I’m so excited! Hope you have a BRILLIANT March. Sending love xxxxx

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  4. My February has been. So interesting. So amazing. I can’t believe it’s already over, but that it’s already March, you know? I finally stepped up and saw my school councillor, spoke to my family, and had an appointment with my GP, all about my mental health. My biggest resolution for 2017 was to finally do something about how I was feeling, and I’m just insanely proud of myself for taking these steps. I had a couple of very bad weeks, and a couple of very good weeks. All this creative energy manifested itself around and inside me, and I’ve been doing and making so much. It’s been a whirlwind of a month, I suppose.

    If you want to read more you can check out my February Edit on https://seafoaming.com 😉

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    1. I’m so happy you had such a positive Feb! It’s always so uplifting to hear and see other’s doing well and managing their mental health, gives other people inspiration! It’s great too, that you’re taking your mental health by the horns and dealing with it – I saw a counsellor last year and she was absolutely wonderful – so helpful! Keep being you and keep kicking 2017’s butt, I’ll be behind you! xx

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  5. Hello Katie,
    The beginning of this year was not good for me because of lot of stress at home. BUT I found inspiration in this blogsphere by reading so motivated and interesting blogs. And even started a little bit blogging by myself :).

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    1. Hi Saira! Thank you for stopping by 🙂 I’m sorry the year didn’t start off to well for you – I REALLY hope that everything picks up and you’re able to kick 2017’s butt – I’m glad too that you’re finding inspiration from the blogging world, it’s such a lovely community to be a part of 🙂 Good luck with your blogging, I’ll stop by! Have a lovely rest of the week xx

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  6. I think you’re right, you probably aren’t ready to tackle the big task of a long journey on your own. Exposure therapy is one thing, but throwing yourself in at the deep end is NOT worth it if it’s going to undo all the hard work you’ve already put in. If I were you I’d focus on doing some shorter journeys on your own, maybe where you have an alternative route home (someone to drive you would be perfect) in case things get too much. Facing your fears is absolutely possible, as long as you take baby steps! Here’s to a positive month ahead xxx

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    1. Yes I totally agree with you, I think acting on that temptation to jump five steps ahead of yourself can only really end in disaster – I sort of know my limits as well so get frustrated with myself for trying to run before I can walk! But yes, you’re right, shorter journeys for now is key. Thank you for commenting & reading, and your guidance! Sending good wishes for March! xxx

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