I was actually a little on edge writing this post this week – not so much because it’s such a personal/raw subject for me, but more because it’s been a bit of a tough month & I almost didn’t feel comfortable writing about everything. But this is my spot on the web & I’m not gonna be put off.
You may remember me mentioning before, that I’ve got a real issue dealing with other people’s judgemental-ness, or opinions that are largely based on thin air, or the fact that their ignorance means I have to acknowledge that there will always be someone out there who isn’t willing to understand mental illness. It really annoys me. I’ve heard a few things this month, such as; ‘mental illness is just a fashion all girls go through.’ I mean? I’m also aware that there may be people who read my mental health posts, who then go on to gossip or pass judgements. I know not everyone will ‘get it’, will care or will want to understand, & that’s for them to deal with, not me. Beyond all else, this blog was created for my benefit, and I never want to feel like I can’t come here and have a voice.
It’s small-minded people that can make the difference between a mentally ill person seeking help and speaking up, so it really is as simple as, if you’ve got nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
So like I said, I have struggled a little this month – I’ve been a little more down than up, and when I’m down, I hide away. I can’t do people, talking, socialising. I really don’t want this to be a big bucket of bleugh though – I’m gonna do what I swore I would do more of in my January Reflection – & that’s see the positives. So here they are:
1. When I needed help, I asked for it. I’ve also contacted MIND to arrange counselling – I was limited to 12 sessions last year, so I’ve reapplied for another 12 this year. Honestly, they are a bloody amazing charity, and you’d be surprised how much just talking can help.
2. Since it’s Spring, I haven’t been able to resist getting out as much as I can – I’ve been for lots of sunny walks & obvs taken a bajillion and one photos of trees. My boyfriend also took me exploring last weekend, and we had the best views.
3. I’ve been applying for lots of jobs & have some exciting interviews coming up!
4. I’ve been making more of a point of checking in with & seeing my pals – they’re a positive influence on my life, and we all need that. I’ve also made a lovely new friend – & she’s a blogger too! Go check her out here 🙂
5. & this is the biggie – I’m learning to manage my anxiety. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’ll ever like huge crowds of people or whatever, and I still go out of my way to avoid certain situations at times – but I’m going out all by myself now! I still get nervy and I do still wish the ground would swallow me up at times, but I’m doing it. I take myself off round town, I go for walks…I’m getting there!
- I definitely need to start eating better again – when I get into a bit of a fix, I tend to not eat at all or not eat well. I definitely feel crappier for it.
- Whilst we’re on that wavelength, I also wanna get back into my fitness – I was running and doing yoga last month, and then…nada. Zilch. Nuffink.
- I’ve been asked to be a Godmother(!!) at a Christening that will take place on Easter Sunday. As excited as I am, I’m also so nervy. There’s gonna be a lot of people there, and you’re looking at the Queen of awkward. I really want to be tip-top for that.
- I need to stop hiding away. As bad as I feel I know that alienating and isolating myself away doesn’t do me any favours, in fact it just makes me feel more pants.
I really do feel like March is ending on a positive note – it’d be too easy to focus on all the negativity, but what good would it do? So I’m acknowledging it, learning from it what I have to, and improving on what I can. I hope it’s been a wonderful month for you, please tell me what you’ve been up to & if you enjoyed March! Equally, if it was a big ol’ wheelbarrow of horse poo, tell me that too. I wish you the happiest April, steady on the easter eggs 😉
Thank you so much for reading this, it’ll always mean the world.
Come find me on Instagram! @katscarlettj & Twitter: @katiessanctuary