When Anxiety Strikes at Night

This is a bit of an impromptu post – I’d actually planned ahead for once and had a review of some Maybelline lip products at the ready – somehow though, this one felt a little bit more important.

Anxiety is a bitch any old time of the day, amIright? It doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re doing, when it hits, it’s hits. It’s different for everybody of course, but for me it shows itself predominantly in social situations; so big groups/crowds, around people that make me uncomfortable or people I don’t really know. I also get it at night – pretty much the second my head hits the pillow it’s like “OH HEY LET’S OPEN 250,000 TABS AND HAVE YOU SIFT THROUGH THEM AND FEEL PANTS ABOUT YOURSELF, YEAH?!”. Before I know it I’m laying there anxious AF, and suddenly feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.

I actually dread going to bed sometimes. I struggle to get to sleep anyway, but even when I do I often get night terrors or nightmares and then, coincidently, night sweats. Sorry, TMI. It’s all just a massive pain in the neck, to put it mildly. I’m not even entirely sure why I get anxiety at night – I think subconsciously I must be worrying all the time anyway, but the second there’s nothing there to distract me anymore, it’s just me, myself & worry. It’s actually gotten to the point where I worry about worrying now. Yikes.

It was only last night that I wound up having an anxiety attack because I was getting anxious… about being anxious. It began with racing thoughts – thinking about things that made me anxious, things I perhaps hadn’t addressed, things from years ago, the future, the right now – you name it, my brain probably gave it a good chew & spat it at me. My chest started to tighten which always signals panic, and then before I knew it I just started to fill with doom – everything was awful, everything was going to go wrong, there wasn’t any hope; I was trapped. I’m not sure if anyone else who suffers with anxiety gets this but, I have a habit of tapping my fingers, or clenching my fists when I feel it setting in – sometimes I might even dig my nails in, but I won’t always realise I’m doing any of this because I’ll be that lost in my panic bubble. I feel tingly, pins and needles like, and then I realise I’m panicking. My breathing goes off and the second I know I’m no longer in control, is the second I have a panic attack.

I cried and I cried, and I tensed up and clamped, to then release and feel like a ragdoll. & repeat. I felt like a witness. I felt like I’d stepped out of my body and was watching the whole sorry episode unfold. It’s like something else had taken over and I was powerless – all I could do was wait for it pass – because it would pass. It always does. You’d think I’d be used to all this now and it wouldn’t be so bad when it happens – but everytime is like the first time. How romanticly un-romantic.

I’m lucky in that when this happens, for the most part, I’ve had someone there who can try to calm me down; when it happens at night, I’ve got my boyfriend who is now well trained in dealing with a panicked Katie! But for the most part – and when it comes down to it – it’s all pretty frikking lonely. Nobody else can see what’s going on in your head, and more often than not, nobody can truly understand. So it’s all just made that little bit worse when you’re in the dark, in the middle of the night, with just your thoughts for company and torment.

have actually tried to ‘fix’ all this – I’ve been to the Doctor who prescribed me a high dosage of antidepressant that would simultaneously help me sleep – it doesn’t. I’ve tried listening to hypnosis or music specifically designed to help you sleep on YouTube… nope. I’ve tried chamomile tea, deep breathing, writing in my diary before bed – and yet, I still manage to lay there looking up at the ceiling at 1.30 in the morning. It’s exhausting.

I’m not entirely sure what I hoped to get out of writing this post – I think I thought it might help me to write it all down, see if I can unpick my words & find a way to make it all a little bit easier, find a new method to help me sleep, stop me worrying, keep the demons away. I’m afraid if you came here for some resolve, I’m fresh out my friends! I guess I just wanted to say… if you’re suffering with it – the sleepless nights/night terrors/night sweats or anxiety that kicks up a special stink at night – then… me too. You’re not alone. & hey if you’ve got any tips for me, let me know!

I think it might be an idea to just address head on whatever is giving me the willies, rather than taking it to bed with me. We’ll start there. In the meantime, I’m sending you the biggest smooches this “blue Monday” (pish to that, btw) & thank you, as always, for sticking with me no matter what.

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9 thoughts on “When Anxiety Strikes at Night

  1. Hi Katie 😊 I’m so sorry this happens to you, and I know you’ve tried a lot of methods which are not helping. First I invite you to visit my blog and consider herbs, not just Chamomile, but some others as well. Read about American Skullcap, Lemon Balm, and some others that can help with anxiety. Drink tea daily. Throughout the day and before bed as medicine. I’ve found since thinking of tea as medicine and meditation, I have created a relationship with it that is so soothing and calming. There are also herbal tinctures, which I started making recently, that have helped me tremendously with calming me and balancing out my nerves, frustration, anxiety, and uncontrollable outbursts. Regular exercise is also a NEED for me and helps reduce my anxiety and stress, but I know is not always easy to incorporate into busy schedules. I hope things get better for you!💕🌻~Anne

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    1. Hi Anne, I always look forward to reading your messages, they always make me smile! Thanks so much for your advice on the tea & herbs, I’ll definitely be popping over to your blog for some tips – anything to just balance myself out is greatly welcomed! & I know what you mean with exercise – I’ve actually just today started doing yoga again, so hoping that does me some good, so hard to keep up though (or is that just me?! Lol!) Thanks for everything Anne, will be visiting your blog!! Sending you lots of love xx

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      1. I’m glad you appreciated my comments/suggestions. I know how hard fitting in, exercise/yoga/meditation can be, and I’m lucky right now to be a stay at home mom and having the time to make it part of my routine. It has not and will not always be like this, but when it is I definitely feel at my best. Tea is easier to sneak in a few times a day but the habit of doing takes awhile. Always choose organic too! Have good 🌃~Anne

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    1. It’s horrendous isn’t it, it’s like there’s no let up! & there’s not always anything you can do about it either – at least with a headache, you take an aspirin, or a cold, you know it’ll pass. With anxiety, it just hangs around like a bad smell. Awful. Sending you so much love and good vibes though, and thank you for reading! ❤ xx

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