Can you believe the last time I wrote a reflection was August?!
I think the months that followed were just too hard – I ran out of adrenaline pretty quickly and as positive as August had been, I just couldn’t keep up the momentum. I saw each looming monthly reflection as a challenge that I was continuously failing, and the last thing I wanted to do was write posts that’d be full of rotten stuff. I think the only thing I failed at though, was not writing. It’s the tough stuff that actually needs voicing, not just the victories or when we’re doing well – so, I vow to keep these bad boys up! Pinky swear.
I know I speak for all of us when I say it’s been a long ass month. It’s like January 92nd now, right?! Normally I’d see it as a month to dread and pretty much sit through it dreaming of Spring, cursing the post-Christmas bleakness. This year though, has been different. I decided I’d see it as the ultimate opportunity to start becoming someone I can be proud of – start putting work in immediately, create steps towards becoming stronger, better, happier. The latter of which I’ve talked the back legs off a donkey in some recent posts – 2018: My Happiness Year & How I’m Working on Happy.
So I don’t want to jinx it – in fact I’m afraid to say it for fear of it all going to pot – but this has been the best month for my mental health in a long time. I’ve finally found medication that works for me – I had to go through around four different types with some awful side effects, before finding one that’s doing the trick – the worst side effect with this one is that it knocks me out, so I always make sure to take it at night – not complaining here because I really struggled with sleep before.
I’m also working on being open about everything – if someone wants to know something, rather than fob them off with another ‘oh it’s a migraine’ story or just hide away to avoid all human contact, I’ll just be honest! I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of, I’m not ashamed to have what I have or that I have to take medication for it – would you be ashamed for having to take an aspirin for a headache? Nope.
Actually taking care of myself has made a huge difference too; sometimes it’s the little things – getting my hair cut, actually bothering with skincare, pushing myself to go running when I don’t want to. It’s the small things that change your mindset, that remind you of your worth – somehow positivity and optimism come a little easier, and… well I don’t know how it works for anyone else, because everybody is different – but I find my mood generally happier. Now who’d have thought that I would be saying that, ever?!
I’m not gonna lie, I do live in fear of it all coming crashing down at my feet – I get frightened I’m gonna wake up the next morning filled with doom and dread and all the lows that depression brings – but I figure as long as I’m consistently putting in the effort, making sure I’m following positive steps and being aware of my worth, that I’ll stave off any rotten mental health spells for as long as I can.
You’ll have read about this in my post ‘How I’m Working on Happy‘, but I’ve been filling up a glass bulb ornament with pink post-its full of little victories, achievements, memories or things that have made me happy – I’ve managed almost every day! It’s so good because it’s encouraging me – even on the darker days – to seek out the good. To find something positive. I’ve also been exercising more & have made it my mission to become stronger – it’s true what they say y’know, you really do feel better for it. I never thought I’d say that, but it’s as good for your mental health as it is your physical. I actually like aching after a workout, and I find I’m able to channel any pent up anger/emotion through it – something my pal Tiff commented on in her guest post!
I think my goals for February are really about keeping all the good habits up – keep myself surrounded by good folk, cancel out any negative no-good-doers; keep working out and embrace the sweat & pain! Channel any negativity, embrace self-care & keep filling up my bulb! I would like to definitely change my diet a little, just to incorporate more of the good stuff – at the mo I’m eating many a Party Ring, and frankly as much as I love them, I don’t want to morph into one. On the whole though, I’m feeling super positive. I’m doing good, and I’m really proud of myself – here’s to continuing and improving!
I’m also thinking of maybe/perhaps/not sure/oh god – doing a skydive this year in aid of MIND. They’ve done a f*ck lot for me over the last few years & I’m not sure where I’d be without my counsellor. Would I be totally crackers?! Let me know what you think!
I hope you’ve had a cracking January, and that February is filled with lots of positivity and pancakes.
Big kisses always,