Mental Health: Hitting a Bump on the Road to Recovery

It’s a pretty long journey, the road to mental health recovery. Many of us struggle for years to even see the road, let alone be on the road. Not to mention the fact that recovering and getting yourself to a better place has no time period on it – with a graze on your knee you might expect it to clear up within weeks; or a broken arm might take six months or so – with our mental health, there’s just no knowing & that can be tough.

I’ve been steadily chugging along on the road for a good few months now. I’ve felt better in myself, I’m finally on medication that helps me, I’m surrounded by good & positive people, I’m eating well & exercising a lot; I have felt probably the most content I’ve felt in years. Don’t get me wrong I’ve definitely had days where I’ve felt pants, but nothing that I couldn’t handle; that was, until last weekend.

I literally felt like the biggest failure on the planet.

The biggest thing I’ve always hated/feared with anxiety is the lack of control. My body sort of contracts & shakes, I tense then release, to tense again. I cry, I yelp, I feel numb. My brain freezes but then processes 101 thoughts a minute. I get paranoid, disorientated, frightened. I physically feel sick, my tummy somersaults, my vision even goes funny. I’m not in control. & I felt like on Saturday, after months of being in control, and being ok, that some sort of invisible force had waged war on me & taken over my ability to be human. I was this powerless, pathetic mess, and I felt like I’d fu*ked it all.

Months of hard work gone to pot.

But the truth is I hadn’t failed. Not one little bit. This is why I wanted to write this post, because I’m pretty certain that I’m not the only person to hit that bump in the road – I felt alone in my ‘relapse’ on Saturday, because I couldn’t make people understand why it felt so traumatic. I don’t want anybody else to feel like that, so I thought, I’ll just babble myself silly on here & hope that on the off chance that someone is going through a tough patch, that they know they’re not alone.

I get it.

See, the thing with recovery is, it’s not linear and it’s not easy. For me, it feels like I’m rebuilding myself – which is a gift in a way, because I get to try & become someone I want to be, rather than be someone I’m unhappy with; but it’s no small feat. It’s gonna take me some time to get there, and being the impatient person I am, you can imagine that goes down a bundle! I’ve already seen such a huge change in me though, and I’m determined not to give up. If you’re at that bump, please don’t give up. See a bump is after all just a bump. You can and you will get over it, because that’s how bumps are designed – they’re also built to slow us down, but that doesn’t mean we come to a full stop. The important thing is to find the courage to get back in your metaphorical car (I imagine mine to be a retro VW camper van with flowers on it, of course) & get back on the road.

We’ve got this.

Big kisses always,

http-signatures-mylivesignature-com-54494-355-4f5963f54c5592ff541aa0878ca957e3

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20 Comments Add yours

  1. Great and thoughtful post Katie. Recovery from these things is never linear. In fact I find the bumps to feel worse because they follow a calm period. They usually aren’t but they just feel that way because of the contrast. The fact you bounced back so well from this one is a good sign. That you thought of others by writing this post is an even better one. Wishing you all the best. Darren

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Katie Rose says:

      Thank you so much Darren! Really, it makes it even more worth writing these posts just to receive words like yours – I couldn’t agree with you more that the bumps feel worse when they follow a calm period, it’s so much more of a shock to the system! But the more bumps we overcome, the stronger we become – thanks for spreading a little happiness my way! ❤ x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are very welcome. Keep writing😊💕

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Emma says:

    It takes courage to talk about your own mental health and even though it is so important to talk about it, it’s never easy. Know that reading this kind of post is great for anyone struggling with this. Keep going, girl! ❤️

    Emma

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Katie Rose says:

      Thank you so much Emma! Means the absolute world. Sending you lots of thankful virtual hugs! ❤ x

      Liked by 1 person

  3. NotesbyLaura says:

    I’m glad you wrote this post and that you realised that you hadn’t failed. Bumps are horrible aren’t they! They make you feel so insecure, you’ve just got to fill your brain with all your memories of your stronger moments and progress. I really like your idea of a metaphorical car I’m going to picture that if I ever hit a bump again and be like yes you can do this!! 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Katie Rose says:

      Thank you so much Laura!! Honestly it’s so scary writing these sort of posts, that to receive comments like yours just make it all the more worth it! & I agree – filling our noggins with all the victories & positive moments will only serve to encourage us to keep going. We’ve got this! ❤ xxx

      Like

  4. Sharon says:

    Sharing your stories, will end up being one of the most therapeutic things that you can do my friend. Because, it is then, that you realize that you truly are not alone. There are hundred, if not thousands, of us that understand the pain that you feel. There are going to be days that feel like complete fails….but, that’s when you reach out to a support system that you know you can trust….and say, Help me over this hurdle. It will get easier….but I honestly don’t know that the bad days will ever completely go away. I still have a long way to go myself…. Just keep up the GOOD work that you are doing. It will all pay off in the end!!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Katie Rose says:

      Sharon, I love when you leave me a comment, you always fill me with the most positivity & happiness! I couldn’t agree more with you that sharing your story makes you realise you’re not alone – that’s why I think it’s so important TO keep sharing, because there are so many people out there who believe they have nobody. I just wanna be like “I’m over here! You’ve got me!” to everyone. I don’t know that my bad days will ever completely be gone either, but we’ve got this haven’t we?! Just need to keep plugging away & kicking butt! Sending you lots of love ❤ x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sharon says:

        Feedback is the best part of blogging to me. I love interacting with one I follow, we feed and build off of each other…

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Nothing wrong with a bump! You trooped it out like a superstar on Saturday, and I am so proud of you for that! Keep your chin up – I’m always here for you ❤ xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Katie Rose says:

      Thank you so much my beautiful friend!! I love you a million ❤ xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Elisha says:

    It sounds like you’re definitely in the drivers seat of that fabulous VW camper van, Katie! And maybe even more focused to continue going knowing the bumps in the road won’t hold you back anymore – keep doing what you’re doing 🙂 X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Katie Rose says:

      Haha aw thanks so much Elisha! I definitely try to be in the ol’ driver’s seat but God knows I’m just chasing after the bloody camper van half the time!! But yes, definitely feel like each bump teaches you something & you grow from them – thank you so much for your lovely words! ❤ xx

      Like

  7. Natalie says:

    Really courageous post, only by sharing these things can any of us help to better understand mental health

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Katie Rose says:

      Thank you so much Natalie! Receiving messages like yours make writing these scary posts all the more worth it – couldn’t agree more that we need to keep sharing, it’s the only way people will know that they’re not alone, and that’s so important. Sending you lots of love! ❤ xx

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Megan says:

    Thank you, I really needed this today. Xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Katie Rose says:

      You’re so welcome Megan! So happy to have helped in any small way – always here if you need a friend 😊 xxxxx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Megan says:

        Same to you, message me anytime if you want a chat❤️❤️❤️

        Liked by 1 person

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