Hello my loves,
First up, I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet; on here, on social media, on replying to people. I’ve sucked. I love this blog and I love you guys, so it’s kinda eaten away at me a little bit that I seemed to have lost all and any sparkle that I had.
In truth, I don’t quite know what’s wrong with me. Anxiety has been bubbling away like a hot casserole for weeks now and I’ve let myself feel low about… well, life.
You might read that and think ‘…but why would you let yourself feel like that?’ ‘why don’t you fight it?’. The truth is, I do fight it; I fight it most every day. But here’s the T – sometimes, it’s OK to let that shit storm in. It’s OK to let yourself feel rubbish. Imagine all those thoughts, all those worries, all those feelings building up like an almighty tidal wave. At some point, whether you like it or not – whether you’re ready or not – that tidal wave is going to come crashing down. So my feeling is that sometimes, it’s a-OK to let that wave come down on you. Let the feelings wash over you like water. Let the worry drown you a little. But know this; the water will settle. It will calm. You’ll catch your breath, you’ll start kicking your legs, you’ll start fighting again. Because you have to. Because once you’ve let all that rotten stuff in, you’re over the worst. You’ve got this.
Now I know you’re probably thinking ‘oh dear… she’ll probably start talking about inflatable donuts next’ (FYI, inflatable unicorn, duh). I guess all I’m trying to say is that I’ve let myself feel pants because if I don’t I might burst. I’ve rode all the emotions, I’ve been cranky to be around and honestly, I’ve let myself down at times. I’ve shut down solely because I’m not quite sure where I’m at right now. I’ve been quiet because I’m not certain of what to say. Truthfully, I need a little more purpose in my life and I know I’ve gotta go seek that for myself – but that’s a whole other blog post.
In the meantime, I’m resting my mind, recouping, and getting ready to restart. I’ve missed you guys. If you take anything from this, please know that the storm will pass. Know that in order to let the dark stuff go, sometimes you have to let it in. You’ll not drown forever. Tides settle after all and you’ll find that – in the words of a v wise fictional professor – “Help will always be given to those who ask for it”. I was gonna speak in metaphors again & reference an inflatable pizza slice, but went for Dumbledore instead. You’re welcome.
Thanks for sticking around & being so patient – I promise I’ll be back properly soon.